Sad at the Moment
by darklover
Summary: Set after Diry Girls. Buffy is feeling horrible.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own these fantastic characters, Joss and co. does.  
  
Feedback: I want to know what you think. Comments greatly appreciated.  
  
A/N: Set after "Dirty Girls".  
  
Buffy walked aimlessly in the town where the Hell mouth was located. She was filled with so much pain and unshed tears. Her mind was still replaying the events that had just occurred a few hours ago. Those images were haunting her thoughts as she continued walking slowly unaware of her surroundings.  
  
*Its all my fault,* she thought guiltily. It was her fault that tonight some potentials were killed. It was her stupid plan that caused the tragedies tonight. She had never felt so miserable in her entire life. Never, so much pain filled her. She should have listened to everyone else. One of her best friends, was in the hospital, and now one of his eyes is gone forever. So, much grief gripped her as she thought about when Caleb took her friend's eye.  
  
She was exhausted with this war. And yet the final battle still was to come. She didn't know if she could take it anymore. It was getting to be too much. She knew the days were going to get even tougher. She had to be strong though, but it felt like she couldn't go on anymore.  
  
Buffy sighed and tried to keep from crying. Tears were threatening to spill. She blinked them back and noticed she was almost near her house. She didn't want to go there. She hadn't meant to head in that direction. It had been unintentional. Yet, she continued to walk to her house. She arrived at the back porch and only stood there.  
  
She wasn't ready yet to face the remaining potentials and everybody else. It was too hard for her to face them now. She knew she would have to soon, but she was putting off that moment.  
  
Buffy turned to go and continue her walk. "Buffy," she heard a familiar voice whisper. She didn't want to turn around. She stood silent and didn't budge. She felt eyes on her back. She knew it was him. She didn't feel like talking to him. She just couldn't. She knew she could break down on any second.  
  
"Buffy, where have you been?" Spike asked her. She stood silent for a minute. "Around," she replies solemnly. Spike walks towards her. She takes a deep breath.  
  
Spike is now facing her. He sees the raw pain in her eyes. Its hurts his soul so much to see in her pain. He wish he could do something to cheer her up. He wish he could make the fight against the First disappear with the snap of a finger, but he can't. His undead heart aches so much for her.  
  
"Buffy, it's not your fault about what happened," Spike told her. She stared at him.  
  
She didn't trust herself to speak. She felt that if she uttered a single word, she would lose her composure. Spike searched her face.  
  
She didn't say anything. "It is my fault," she whispered.  
  
"Its not, you didn't," Spike began.  
  
"I should have waited, I, .. It was my plan," she told him. She looked down. She did not want to look into those brilliant blue eyes. They were filled with pain and concern for her.  
  
"Buffy, there was no way you could have stopped this from happening or knowing," he told her softly.  
  
"Buffy, talk to me. You need to let it out," he knew she was not letting her emotions show. She always kept them hidden. She never told anyone about how she felt. He knew it wasn't good for her. Those feelings would be her destruction if not something else.  
  
"What good is talking? It's not going to save the world is it?" Buffy spat angrily. All of a sudden the dam broke lose. All the emotions she was trying to hide, emerged to the suface. Tears, ran down her face. She was trembling as sobs overtook her. She sanked to the ground. The tears kept coming. She couldn't stop any longer.  
  
Spike almost felt his undead hear break. His Slayer, was on her knees crying. She was shaking and sobbing. Spike put his hands on her shoulders to try to pull her up. She pushed him away.  
  
"My fault," she sobbed. He bent down to be at her level. "No, it's not," he told her in a soothing tone. He tried calming her down. She tried pushing him away. Spike pulled her close to him. She couldn't move. He held her and whispered to her soothing things. She tried pushing away from him but couldn't.  
  
"Shh, everything is going to be okay, Buffy," he told her. "That's a lie, you don't know that," Buffy managed to sobbed. She was getting a bit calmed. "We will find a way Buffy. We may have lost some potentials, but now we have another Slayer to help us," Spike said.  
  
"Oh yeah. Faith. You and her have been getting along quite well huh," Buffy suddenly snapped.  
  
"What are you talking?" Spike stared at her hazel pain filled eyes. Buffy glared at him. "You know what I'm talking about," Buffy said. She took a deep breath. She knew her eyes were red from crying and watery. Her cheeks were really wet. She pushed Spike away and walked away from the house. "Where are you going?" Spike asked. She didn't answer she just kept on walking. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Guess who does? Joss and co. do.  
  
Feedback: Please review. Thanks to those who have.  
  
Spike stood up and looked at the house. Spike like Buffy was also feeling bad tonight. If only he had been quicker the whelp wouldn't have lost his eye. He and Xander had never gotten along, but somehow he had grown to respect the boy.  
  
Spike sighed and tried to stop the thoughts that kept plaguing his mind. He decided to go after Buffy. She wasn't safe. He knew she could take care of herself, but that preacher bloke was stronger that your average human or demon.  
  
Spike caught Buffy's scent in the air and headed in that direction. She always smelled of vanilla. Her scent always intoxicated him, whenever she was around. Spike stopped in the park. The Slayer was there in the swings.  
  
Swinging in the moonlight, was Buffy. Her face still had the grim look, he had seen a few minutes ago. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Buffy didn't look at him as she continued swinging. She didn't seem to be aware of anything. She was lost in her thoughts, swinging with out even realizing it.  
  
Spike approached her and stood right beside the swing. Spike watched her emotionless face. Spike continued watching her. She didn't make any move to acknowledge his presence.  
  
After what seemed like hours, Buffy finally spoke. "My parents, used to take Dawn and me to the park back when we were little. It was one of the fun things we did when we were a family. Dad would always push us on the swings," Buffy whispered.  
  
Spike didn't say anything. His Slayer had suffered so much pain since she became Chosen. She had die twice and returned. She killed her first love to save the world. Her mum died because of an aneurysm. Damn the PTB, he thought angrily. It was their damn fault that the survival of the world depended on her. And yet again it was time to save the world. The newest threat was the First, the source of all evil.  
  
"Buffy, don't you think it's time to go home?" Spike asked as his internal clock told him it was getting real late. A few more hours and the sun would rise.  
  
" I can't face them. Not yet," she said.  
  
"Spike, just leave me alone," she said as she stared at the ground.  
  
"Can't do that Slayer," he told her.  
  
Buffy looked up from the ground and stared at him. "Why not? It's not like I can't take care of myself," she questioned him.  
  
"I'm not leaving you. I know you can take care of yourself but that preacher bloke is tough one," Spike said.  
  
Buffy winced when Spike mentioned the preacher. She wanted to forget Caleb and everything that had happened.  
  
"Just leave Spike. Go back to the house. What if something happens? They need you," she said.  
  
"They don't need me. They need their leader," Spike said.  
  
Buffy snorted at what he said. "They need me? Some leader I am. I put them in danger. Some potentials got killed today, all because of my stupid plan," she said bitterly. The tears started to fall again. *Oh God, not again. It was always his damn fault,* she thought angrily. He always had a way of making her true emotions come out.  
  
Spike approached her. "It's not your fault. You're the leader and leaders also make mistakes. But you can't always protect every single one of em girls. Its war and in wars there's always casualties," Spike told her.  
  
Buffy continued crying. "Let Faith lead them," she sobbed. She really wasn't thinking about what she was saying. The feelings she felt where overwhelming. This war was getting to be too much for her to handle.  
  
"They don't need Faith they need you," he stared at her hazel orbs.  
  
" Maybe Faith can do a better job than me," she choked out a sob.  
  
"No, she can't," Spike said with an intense gaze burning through her.  
  
"Why don't you agree with Faith leading them? Obviously you guys were agreeing about something last time I saw you two together," Buffy snapped.  
  
Spike saw a flash of hurt in her eyes for a second, then it turned to anger.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Spike asked.  
  
"Don't you remember in the basement?" Buffy reminded him.  
  
"Oh, that," Spike said as he remembered.  
  
"Yeah, that," Buffy said sourly.  
  
"We were having a talk s'all," Spike replied. "There's nothing between us," he added.  
  
Buffy took in this information and didn't say anything. Spike wondered if she had been jealous. Her behavior was making it obvious that she was. That it bothered her for some reason that he had been spending time with Faith  
  
"You're the only Slayer I care about," he told her.  
  
Buffy looked up at his brilliant blue eyes and saw the emotion he felt for her. Buffy swallowed as she stared at his beautiful eyes.  
  
"I believe in you. You can do this Slayer," Spike told her.  
  
A few tears silently coursed down her cheeks. He wiped them away with his thumb. Somehow with his words, she got strength from them. She stood up.  
  
"I believe in you, you can be a man," she admitted.  
  
Spike stared at her. Tonight they both showed that they believed in each other. Its going to take all their strength defeat the First.  
  
A/N: This is the end. Its probably a lame ending. I decided to stop writing this fic, I guess its for the best. Thanks to the reviewers. 


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